How to Get an Ex Back - Steps and Psychology

When a significant relationship ends it can be a very difficult time. The prospect of being alone, or heading out into the dating market again can make you want to get back together with your ex. If you have been wondering how you can get an ex back in your life, pay attention to the following steps.

First, go away for a while.

This is a pretty common point mentioned in many other places, and it is the most important step. That is because without this step, nothing else will fall into place quite right.

You have to stay away because you have to re-invent yourself. Generally speaking, the person who was broken up with is the one who wants to get back together, but this places them in an awkward position. I refer to this dynamic as the “Power of Least Attraction,” and this means whoever is attracted the least has the power. Or to put it another way, the person who is more involved has to cater/yield to the whims of the person who is less involved.

Because of this dynamic, as long as you carry the feelings that you love them, and would do anything to get them back, you absolutely can’t be in contact with them.

So while may need them badly, it is precisely the worked up emotional state that you’re in that will cause things to crash. As long as you feel you need them, it’s almost a sure thing you’ll push them away even further if you try to get in contact with them.

So you want to avoid situations that will set you up for failure – ones that you may behave in a way that turns them off, like begging, pleading, and rationalizing come to mind. Getting angry is one too.And at this point, simply being around them is a situation that may lead to that type of behavior.

You have to come back on equal terms, or they will walk away. But at the moment it’s not fair, so you have to stay away from them. Because if you keep hanging around eventually they will get irritated enough to say goodbye forever.

I hope I’ve explained that clearly enough.

Next, you have to re-invent yourself.

Now I don't mean create a whole new you - just change your outlook so that you aren't thinking about them all the time.

The first thing you have to do is get them off of your mind. There is a mind hack to do this (click through at the end and I’ll show you how), but to really and truly reinvent yourself you have to have other options.

Yes, other romantic options.

Look, if you’re stuck up in your bedroom every night listening to “Apologize” (or some other sappy love song)while running your fingers slowly across a portrait of them it won’t matter how long you wait, because you will be in the same place. So you have to mingle a bit.

I’m not saying play the field, just to get out and socialize. Loneliness breeds desperacy, and it only gets worse over time.

At the same time as you are dating other people, you have to learn something about relationships. You see, there are laws that govern relationships, and they are fairly constant, and therefore follow predictable patterns. And like gravity, if you are unaware of them they can work against you, as you are probably realizing right now.

Understanding relationships is the key part of getting your ex back. In today’s world of expressing yourself and being a unique individual people value their own method or style of doing things. The problem is, until you’ve gained a certain level of mastery at something, taking liberties with a proven formula will lead to failure. In fact, there are only 2 reasons anyone who follows these methods ever fails at getting their ex back:

1. They don’t follow through on all the steps

2. They go through the steps “in their own style”

Until you have a strong understanding of what will and will not work – and why – it is imperative to just stick to the steps outlined and carry them out exactly as mentioned.

Third, bump into you ex.

Before you do this make sure you are ready (read: confident and genuine). This person knows you, and will spot fakery a mile off. You also have to have your approach planned. Unless you’ve morphed into a comedian in the off time, you’ll likely want to plan how the situation unfolds. And a little advanced planning will take care of the unexpected.

How long until this step? That depends on a lot of factors. You’ve could shift your paradigm quickly and be ready quickly, but probably it’ll take a month or so to get the materials, absorb them, socialize a bit, etc…

What's next?

When I was dumped way back in 2005 there wasn't the selection of guides available today to navigate the minefield of trying to get an ex back.  This actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. 

I took the route of trying to understand psychology (my Mother is a marriage counselor) and in the process discovered something. The guides out there are basing their tactics and techniques on proven psychological principles. But none of them mention this. 

To truly understand how to implement effective strategies for getting your ex back you have to know the principles those strategies were based on.

And that's what I'm going to show you. 

So click here for the best "How to Get an Ex Back" guide, and I'll show you how to turbocharge your efforts with an understanding of the tactics.